UGLY SOCIETY

Blogs

  • Stupid Thoughts, Stupid Feelings

    Stupid thoughts. Stupid feelings.

    And here I am again, writing about what I think and what I feel because honestly, I don’t know what else to do.

    Hopefully, I’ll feel a little better after this one.

    I’m not going to talk about my day, what I’m doing, or what I’m building. I just want to let this feeling out.

    Right now, I’m not too happy.

    I’m mad. I’m angry at myself. I hate this feeling. It’s dumb.

    Am I really going to feel like this for the rest of my life?

    Go away, bad thoughts.

    Shut up. Shut up.

    My head won’t stop.

    Even music isn’t helping right now, and usually that’s something I can turn to.

    I feel like my doctors aren’t helping. I hate that laugh. I hate feeling like everything is coming back from before.

    The thoughts. The words. The voices.

    Have I reached that age? Is this just how things are going to be?

    I don’t know.

    I don’t know, man.

    Sometimes I get so tired of trying to understand what’s happening inside my own head. I just want a little quiet. A little peace. A moment where I can simply be myself without having to fight through everything I’m feeling.

    I’m not looking for answers tonight.

    I’m not trying to make this sound beautiful or turn it into some kind of lesson.

    I’m just writing.

    Maybe that’s enough for right now.

    I think I’m going to step outside for a bit.

    I’m good, though.

    Thanks for hearing me out. I needed that. I just needed someone for a little while.

    Okay.

    Just let it go.

    You’re good.

    Yeah, I’m good.

    Okay.

    I love you.

  • Issue #5: Finding My Way Back to Myself

    It felt like a long day today.

    Being inside my head can be unsettling, and being around people can make it harder. I try, but sometimes I don’t feel at one with myself. Hearing unwanted voices, especially when they seem to come from people around me, feels overwhelming. There’s just too much to explain.

    My mind and body don’t seem to align the way they usually do. It feels like there’s interference with my thoughts. When people speak, I get caught up in their words while I’m trying to stay present and not lose myself in everything I’m hearing.

    Then I feel uncomfortable, and I usually don’t know what to do other than fight it in my head.

    Sometimes, even while I’m doing something, I get this feeling like my actions are connected to what someone else might be thinking. I don’t know what they’re thinking, but that feeling is hard to shake in the moment. It makes ordinary things feel complicated.

    When I’m alone, things settle down. I feel like myself again. The direction I’m taking feels clearer. My head isn’t racing as much, and those unwanted voices that don’t feel like me quiet down.

    I feel good now. Earlier was a lot, and I’m still finding the words for it. For tonight, I’m giving myself some room to breathe.

    “That’s lifeeeee.” 🎵

    — Chris / Luvlyboy
    🐼 Keep Growing.

  • A Little Reminder: You Deserve Kindness, Too

    Strawberries, apples, bananas. Just a thought—something good to feed my mind.

    I’m not really doing much right now, just resting and listening to some lofi. It feels good. Right now, everything feels right.

    I’m giving myself some time to restart, feeding myself positive thoughts. Good fruit for thought.

    I’m enjoying this moment. Resting and feeding my mind something positive are a win-win for me. Things don’t feel as heavy today.

    Just easing into the night, because this is usually the time it kicks in—when everything gets blurry and starts to feel heavy. So I’m acknowledging that beforehand. If it does come around, I want to remember that I had a good day today.

    I felt good. I enjoyed this moment. That counts, too.

  • Panda Thoughts #1 🐼

    Ahh, sigh. Okay.

    I have this scheduled to post tomorrow. This is past me writing to future you guys.

    I usually try to make my posts ahead of time so they’re up and ready to go when post day comes around.

    I’m hanging on.

    I’m not really tired, but my mind is feeling hazy. Everything’s kinda distorted right now, but I’m pushing through.

    I’m still here, even on days like these.

    And that shit’s tough, man.

    In and out of my head, feeling like everything’s building up inside me. Like I’m just ready to explode from all these thoughts and feelings I’ve been carrying.

    But really, I’m okay. I think.

    I haven’t taken my medication, and yeah, there’s a lot you guys don’t know.

    But even with the medication, I still feel like this.

    That’s why sometimes I just stop taking them. For one, it feels like a chore, and I don’t usually have the energy to keep up with taking them.

    And when I do take them, sometimes I still feel the same.

    I’ve been putting in the work, though.

    Therapy, content creating, blogs, music, my dog, cleaning. So much.

    Like, I know what I’m taking and the effects they’re supposed to have on me, but sometimes it feels like there’s no effect at all.

    Maybe I feel a little more uplifted and not so down, but there’s still a lot to feel.

    And when I’m locked in, my mind is just in it.

    Yeah, I think I’m just gonna take the rest of the night easy.

    Little by little.

    Hope you guys are good.

    Take care, really.

    Peace. 🐼🖤

    — Chris / Luvlyboy

  • Check-in #2: Slowly Coming Together

    It’s all slowly starting to come together. I’m bringing back parts of the old me while making room for the new—the refreshed part of me. The stuff that didn’t matter feels nowhere near me now. Far from who I was, far from where I started. I like to think so, anyway.

    And all of this started because I just wanted to write a blog.

    Now I’m not just writing and publishing. I’m putting out the part of me that feels natural to share—the part that makes me feel like me.

    The gathering of thoughts can be overwhelming. Before, I didn’t know what to do with them, and that was frustrating because I felt stuck. Now, before I know it, I’m posting again. I’m giving those thoughts somewhere to go.

    It’s turning out okay. And that same feeling is still there when I post, even while I’m writing—the feeling I had the first time I shared something.

  • Issue #4: I’m Still Becoming

    “Did you even notice the clouds in the sky today?” — el amorrrsss

    We out here—still going, still growing.

    Been busy with so many things.

    Now with this schedule, it’s keeping my mind occupied. My app, my blogs, and the book I’m working on.

    The days go by so quick, and I’m already ready for what comes next.

    I’m looking forward to what the future brings me. And as much as I want to stop sometimes, I just can’t do that to myself because I have a lot of love for what I do.

    Life has been good to me lately, and in return, this is what I’m doing to give back.

    My all.
    My everything.
    My thoughts.
    My emotions.
    What I’m going through.

    Life hasn’t always been good, but in those bad moments, I don’t let it define my worth.

    So I keep posting.

    The showing-up part is what counts. It doesn’t go uncounted for.

    Some days you make huge progress. Other days, it leaves you drained with little left to give.

    But you still showed up.

    Little by little, make it count.

    Panda fam, we out. 🐼

  • Check-in #1

    Crazy how you can do something for a while and still find yourself falling in love with it. It wasn’t until now that I started committing and giving my all to blogging and making music.

    It doesn’t feel like work—like, “Ahh man, I need to do this or that.” It feels more like a part of me. Like it’s instilled in me.

    Even when I’m tired, I still get up slowly and do what I can. Pushing myself a little makes me feel accomplished, and showing up holds me accountable.

    But it’s more than that. When I don’t make anything, I miss it. I miss having somewhere to put my thoughts and feelings.

    It’s a part of my life. It’s my best friend. 🐼🖤

  • Just wanted to say thanks 🐼

    Hey 🐼

    Just wanted to say thank you for being part of Ugly Society. Every follow, read, and bit of support means a lot to me.

    We’re just getting started. 🖤
    — Chris / Luvlyboy

  • Hello, October 🍂

    It’s finally here.

    The month of September is over.

    Hello, October. 🍂

    A moment of calmness, change, and gratitude.

    We’ve come this far—ain’t no way I’m stopping now.

    It’s time to address the room.

    If you’re new here, welcome.

    This is the Ugly Society Club.

    A place for the misunderstood.

    And to all my followers who have been here since day one—you’re the best. Thank you for sticking around and being part of this journey.

    I’m still figuring things out as we go, and that’s okay.

    There’s no need to have everything planned perfectly.

    Sometimes all you need is a fresh start, a clear mind, and another chance to keep moving forward.

    Here’s to a new month, new memories, and whatever October has waiting for us.

    Welcome to October. 🐼🍂

    Keep showing up.
    Blog post by blog post.
    Song by song.
    Little by little. 🐼

  • UGLY SOCIETY: ISSUE #2 — STILL HERE

    Issue #1 was the beginning. Issue #2 is about what happens when you keep going.

    There are times when everything feels like it’s moving, and there are times when it feels like nobody is watching. Either way, I’m still here.

    Ugly Society was never supposed to be about looking perfect. It’s about the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of becoming who you’re meant to be. The mistakes. The memories. The music. The faith. The losses. The moments where you don’t know what comes next, but you keep moving anyway.

    STILL HERE

    I’ve been learning that progress doesn’t always make noise.

    Sometimes it’s another song finished. Sometimes it’s writing something down before the feeling disappears. Sometimes it’s getting through a day that felt heavier than it should have.

    Slow and steady still counts.

    You don’t have to have everything figured out to keep going.

    THE MUSIC

    Music has become one of the ways I make sense of everything I can’t always explain out loud.

    Every song carries a different piece of the story. Love. Distance. Anger. Faith. Regret. Hope. Being misunderstood. Trying to become better without pretending the past never happened.

    Luvlyboy is still growing. Still experimenting. Still underground. Still creating.

    And that’s part of Ugly Society too.

    THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

    The good reminds us why we keep going.

    The bad teaches us something.

    And the ugly?

    That’s usually the part people hide. I’d rather turn it into something.

    A song. A thought. A photograph. A memory. A reason to keep moving forward.

    WHAT COMES NEXT

    I want Ugly Society to become a place where the music and the real story behind it can live together.

    More music. More thoughts. More stories. More moments that usually get left behind.

    No pretending everything is perfect.

    Just documenting the journey while it’s happening.

    We’re still here.
    We’re still becoming.
    This is Ugly Society.

    — Luvlyboy
    Ugly Society Club
    Issue #2